Choices to Make

I have so many choices to make in my life.  But the biggest choice is do I want to get weight loss surgery? Everyone should love themselves for who they are and where they are in life currently. I believe in body positivity esp for my fellow fat black women. I have been a fat black woman all my life. I am 24 years old now and I am tired of living the fat life. We can deny it all we want but thin privilege is a THING.

People treat you differently when you are fat. People will act like your, not a human being when you’re a fat woman. As fat black women, we always have to be so fucking strong. We have to constantly act like none of the shit bothers us. Men treat you as 2nd class citizens and act like your not worthy of love because of your fat. Even in “fatness” if your black and fat you get treated way differently. I really don’t fuck with the mainstream body positivity group because the focus is mostly fat white women.

I tried so many things to lose weight and have failed. I have always been chasing perfection. I struggle with my body image. My health is important but at the same time, i feel the main thing that makes me want this is this desire to be thin and fit in society and be treated like a human being. I am tired of being the fat home girl and home girls wanting you to come so they can look better because you are fat. I have been researching and thinking about talking to my primary doctor about getting the vertical sleeve.

I love that its big community for VSG on Instagram and Youtube. I have been researching about the lap band also. It is scary. I keep thinking can I learn to not eat so much. Then the liquid diet and having to reteach yourself to eat better. Taking vitamins for the rest of my life. And that this is lifetime choice. It’s no going back. I have to stay committed to this journey. My insurance will pay for it if I get approved for the procedure. I am seeing my doctor this month and will be talking to her about my options. I am 24 at 254 of BMI of 41.0. I am considered medically obese. I have been researching about obesity recently. I have been researching on weight loss surgery. But I am gonna make my choice slowly, research majorly, and most importantly dig down inside to realize what I want for me when it comes to my weight and my health but also look within if I am ready for this lifetime commitment if I decide to get surgery. It’s all hard work regardless of the way to lose the weight and keep it off. I can only make this choice for myself. I have to make this choice for me.

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