Look Within To Change Yourself

I am on this journal of leveling up physically, emotionally, spiritually,  and career wise where I can learn to benefit from myself and from men. I am need to do better in therapy and actually use her suggestions. I need to learn to not be as emotional and take things as I see fit and as suggestions but work myself up if I don’t want to do it. But also learn when I just cant face truth that will help me level up.

I have gone through so much yet I took my power and used it as my benefit. I have been in therapy since 18 and have used it help me. Granted I haven’t been the greatest but I am ahead then some women who never learn. This year I am working harder to be accountable of myself and my time management.

I want to try learn to like short hair styles. I want to loose some weight so I can loose weight in my face.  I want my face to look slimmer.  I love Beyonce short hairstyles. She always looks nice with short hair styles. She looks so elegant. I want to learn to look more elegant and put together. Beyonce always looks good period but when she is in short hairstyles.

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I also want to invest in getting eyelash extensions and getting them refilled every 2 to 3 weeks. I want it look dolly yet mature,classy, and sexy. I this would save me money and time for doing false eyelashes strips. But I still wanna learn how to use the eyelashes from the stores better.

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I recently ordered shit load of items from amazon prime. I ordered kitchen items that would be helpful during my weight loss journey.

I have even more stuff I didn’t take pictures of but I’m so blessed go get all of these things plus the items I didn’t post.

I recently gotten my nose pierced finally. It looks so cute. Even bought my mom a car which is low miles used and PAID OFF. And bought brand new clothes and new camera. I’m so blessed and so happy I was blessed with these items.

And I also got like a new buzz cut what I love love love so fucking much.

So I’m so very blessed and happy to share my new found happiness. I have been through so much in 2017. Lost weight letting go of my ex and last bit of loser home girls from ambw. And this year staying to myself. And happy with myself and let no one define me. I am that hoe I make my own rules for me and just live life on my own terms. And have no desire to be “respectful” woman. I let go of all the bullshit and let it help me grow. I let go of losers from my old job who wasn’t about that life when it comes to black lives matter especially black women lives. So happy to be in a better space mentally and to prove all the people wrong.

Always know you rise above all the nonesense. Be your own type of hoe on your OWN terms. Love your flaws and all the good,bad,and the ugly. No one can use it against you if you acknowledge and tell people before they can tell people. And not everyone is haters or jealous some people are just different or see how you can improve greatly. It’s your life and define it for you and only you. Everyone has time limit in your life and just flow and go with it and don’t get ATTACHED because people,things, situations move on and go away but that’s okay cause you can use it for growth and memories and room for new people,things and situations.

When the chips keep falling

I been away from blogging due to life issues such as abusive relationships, bad coping skills, severe depression and lack of funds. I had no interest in this thing called blogging. I felt what I did didn’t matter compared to bloggers that get shown recognition. I have low self esteem and battle with comparing myself to other black women who are successful.

I finally won a case of mine and with back money was able to buy things to help my weight lost journey and blogging journey. I paid for the premium WordPress site and I am making myself make this worthwhile my purchase from free version. Now that I can blog full time I’m gonna do and work hard to find success for myself. My holidays was very nice. I hoped your holidays are going well.

Youtube Editing Resources

I have been looking up videos on how to become a better video editor for my Youtube channel. I found so many resources on Youtube. I thought I should share what I found. One of the key points of good videos on youtube is the quality of the camera and the quality of editing. You could have the best content and people will bypass you because the horrible quality of equipment to record videos and edit videos. People are visual if we weren’t companies wouldn’t pay so much money for lighting, camera, editing, and etc for advertising.

When I say Google is your friend I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Also youtube tutorial are your friend when it comes to editing, lighting, cameras, reviews on products you wanna buy to improve your channel, graphics and so much to help you build your brand and quality on your Youtube, blog and any social media you use for your brand, platform, company, and etc. Also if you went to school for any of these topics people will pay you to build websites, graphic design, business cards, banners for social media, editing, and so much get your hustle on if your good at any of that stuff. But if your starting off and can’t afford that like me then google and youtube have so many resources to be the best blogger you can be.

Here is a playlist of videos I been adding to my ” Video editing/photo/blog” playlist.

I add videos on how to edit with your smartphone, which apps are the best for your phone editing apps, what items to buy, which accessories, and how to certain editing and reviews on is it worth to pay for certain editing programs.

Video/photo/ blogging editing playlist

HOW I EDIT MY VIDEOS WITH WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER! GREENSCREEN, OVERLAYS, AND MORE!-Caroline Grace - YouTube.clipular

If you have any certain topics on editing you want me to look up and research let me know and I will look it up and show what I find.

Just take your time, its always about trial and error, and just having fun. Everyone has they own budget. Everyone is starting at a different starting point. It takes time and dedication to get to where you wanna be blogging wise. I believe in you and you should believe in you too. So thanks for reading this post and looking at my playlist. I really hope it’s helpful. I will be adding more videos to it.  Let me know if the link works.

Weed Bongs Inspiration

I have tried weed a few times. I am pro-weed advocate for health, mental illness, and recreation purposes. I suffer from deep mental illness from fatphobia, racism, colorism, sexism, family issues, sexual orientation issues, body issues and so much. I have a deep depression, some personality issues, and anxiety issues. I take depression and anxiety medication. I don’t really like the taste of pot. But I really wanna try it see if it helps with my mental illnesses. I really don’t wanna depend on man-made medication forever. I just wanna find a balance.

I love pot culture in hood femme culture of black women. Those black women in the hood who have those nice acrylics, weave on fucking fleek, nice bong, blunt in they hand and not giving a fuck and so fucking hood and blackness in they aura. I love my black women in the hood. I wanna smoke pot,  have nails on fleek, blunt in my hand, maybe wine, and practice better self-care. Rihanna is the Queen of having pot in her hand and being on fleek. Black women in the hood are so fucking amazing. I am a hood woman and I a realizing it doesn’t make me evil. My blackness and womanhood as a black woman in this pro-white anti-white society colorist society are always judged, then scrutinized, and made to feel less than especially my black women in the hood who is struggling because of this racist society to people of color.

I love hood Black men, Afro latino, Asian men, pretty much  all men of color who unapologetically smoke pot, who are hood as fuck,  good looking, dick on ” Knows how to fuck you right”, who smashes anti-blackness, colorism, anti-black women, racism, white supremacy, anti-blackness, who are carefree, and who just fucking cares about black women and all that black women face in this fucking society. I am nympho for fine men of color they make me feel good and fit right inside me.  Especially my brown and black men I just wanna melt when I see they skin color and I love putting my hands on they wrist and arm and just going crazy over they handsome color society hates. But at the same time, they take advantage of the love we have for them and abuse us as black women.

So I just wanna use pot to help me cope with my mental illness. I wanna make some pot recipes like bot brownies and pot rice crispies treats. I wanna learn how to roll blunts and smoke them. I wanna learn how to use a bong to smoke. I wanna buy weed products and really learn more about weed.

 

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Just know you are motherfucking star

And you motherfucking slay

~~ Katsumi Moretti

Choices to Make

I have so many choices to make in my life.  But the biggest choice is do I want to get weight loss surgery? Everyone should love themselves for who they are and where they are in life currently. I believe in body positivity esp for my fellow fat black women. I have been a fat black woman all my life. I am 24 years old now and I am tired of living the fat life. We can deny it all we want but thin privilege is a THING.

People treat you differently when you are fat. People will act like your, not a human being when you’re a fat woman. As fat black women, we always have to be so fucking strong. We have to constantly act like none of the shit bothers us. Men treat you as 2nd class citizens and act like your not worthy of love because of your fat. Even in “fatness” if your black and fat you get treated way differently. I really don’t fuck with the mainstream body positivity group because the focus is mostly fat white women.

I tried so many things to lose weight and have failed. I have always been chasing perfection. I struggle with my body image. My health is important but at the same time, i feel the main thing that makes me want this is this desire to be thin and fit in society and be treated like a human being. I am tired of being the fat home girl and home girls wanting you to come so they can look better because you are fat. I have been researching and thinking about talking to my primary doctor about getting the vertical sleeve.

I love that its big community for VSG on Instagram and Youtube. I have been researching about the lap band also. It is scary. I keep thinking can I learn to not eat so much. Then the liquid diet and having to reteach yourself to eat better. Taking vitamins for the rest of my life. And that this is lifetime choice. It’s no going back. I have to stay committed to this journey. My insurance will pay for it if I get approved for the procedure. I am seeing my doctor this month and will be talking to her about my options. I am 24 at 254 of BMI of 41.0. I am considered medically obese. I have been researching about obesity recently. I have been researching on weight loss surgery. But I am gonna make my choice slowly, research majorly, and most importantly dig down inside to realize what I want for me when it comes to my weight and my health but also look within if I am ready for this lifetime commitment if I decide to get surgery. It’s all hard work regardless of the way to lose the weight and keep it off. I can only make this choice for myself. I have to make this choice for me.

Gift Giving: Its a wonderful life

So today I bought my little cousin items as a gift as remind of encouragement. I know life as a teen can be hard you are learning who you are, what you believe in, and making so many mistakes.  Its the ages where you learn that choices are free to make but not free from consequences. But know you are loved by many people including me your cousin. I was really happy to give her these gifts. And it really brightens her day. I do all I can do things I wished as teen people would do for me as a teen to show me I was loved, not alone, and that when I make mistakes I’m not evil but a human being who is living, breathing and experiencing life. And so happy my cousin is in my life during her teens years I can be the person to her I never had as teen.

I am so happy to be her cousin who is like Fairy Godmother just like the show Fairy Godparents like Martha was a fairy Godmother to Nicki Minaj when she had her moment of life. I will always be there for younger cousin Aaliyah.

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I got this note card to write a note to my boyfriend. I love being sentimental. My moon sign is cancer we can be really nostalgic and sentimental. I have keychain also for him too. I hope he loves it.

I got food journal to do meal planning. I also have an app to tracking water, food intake calories, and calories from working out. Then I got a new planner for 2017 to plan my life when it comes to working, appointments, blogging on WordPress, and video blogging on Youtube,self-care days, to do list. My goal is better time management, self-care, organization, budget control for this year. I want to be involved in planning my life and time and not letting fail wherever the chips fall. I will work on procrastinating last and eliminate mindlessly wasting my precious time on this earth. I have 24 hours in a day, 12 months, 52 weeks, and one whole year to make the most of my life.  And plus they are such cute books. I love cuteness. I got the yearly planner at TJ Maxx for 6 bucks. And the food journal from my local Wal-Mart for a dollar. Thanks for reading my blog post. I am so happy to share all of this with all my blog readers.

Katsumi Moretti

My depression has not been acting up recently. I have been going to work each day. I have been more positive, smiling at customer’s, and feeling accomplished after working my shift. Also, have been taking extra hours when people call out from work. Surprisingly, I am proud what I have been doing. My nurse has increased my Zoloft dosages. And I notice the difference.

I can only talk about my experience with depression and use meds and therapy to cope with depression and anxiety. I have noticed when I take my meds on a constant basis not missing dosages that I feel so better. And I also over eat and emotionally eat less especially at night. I have been losing the weight I had gained from not being constant taking my meds. Everyone has been telling me I look like I have been losing. And my scale says it also. Also, I am starting to get back some of my interest back like video blogging on Youtube, blogging on WordPress, doing my makeup for work, taking cute selfies, songwriting, fitness. I have also been doing new things like learning about finance, budgeting, time management. And I have been doing things to make my dreams reality. Most importantly that Katsumi doesn’t have to be perfect, that I can make my dreams a reality. I realized I have a talent in writing, connecting with people, entertainment, cinema,  motivational speaking, esthetics, magic, fashion, and always finding new talents. I realized I have talents but I have to work hard to be skilled in those talents to have the satisfaction I want and make money from it.

I have a boyfriend I care about. I have a therapist who is really helpful. I handle my bills. I am becoming a confident adult who is realizing all I need is for me and the power is within me and being control of my life is scary but I can do anything because I made this far and changed bad habits into good habits and came so far from when I started therapy. I have my own opinions, beliefs, values, interest basically I have my identity. My family identity isn’t my identity. And I can’t people please because people are gonna be upset and it has nothing to do with me. My best fashion is living my truth, defining success and happiness on my own terms, and creating the identity I want and at any time I can change anything that doesn’t benefit me or that I don’t want anymore.

I hope all my followers are doing well. I hope to gain more followers.  I love the app Grammarly because it helps my writing more readable.  Please share this post to support me. I hope to work hard to create a name for myself and platform for myself. And to make living from this, entertainment, and business involving esthetics, motivational speaking, perhaps self-help book writing, and things that call to me where I find a passion in it but also chase checks.

Visualization becomes reality when you work for it

Katsumi Moretti

Current photos of me

March 2017

“Fat Thick” “Fat Baddie”

“Trap Baddie”

Inspiration of the Week

I am Libra woman, with the moon in Cancer, and Pisces rising which means aesthetics, moodiness, emotions, and a lot of creativity. And I am addicted to getting inspiration from all over the place. My favorite pass time is saving stuff on my computer, reblogging on Tumblr, and saving pins on Pinterest. Today is my day off. I enjoyed some well-needed rest and laziness. And got the idea to blog some of the most recent inspirations that have crossed my path.  My days off are on Wednesday and Sundays. My goals are to use those days to do more video blogging and blogging on this site more. I would love to start doing a blog post on youtube, this site, and my black feminist blog once a week. One post a week

 

I have been loving some of Trey Songz new songs. He makes some of the best love making songs, songs that make you feel that you the only woman in the world, and just plain ole sensual songs.

 

I have also been listening to Ezi Emela. She is from London of Nigerian descent. Black women are too beautiful, talented, and I fucking love them. She makes good afrobeats R & B music.

I been listening to Kash Doll. I love her raping and her style. Black women are too damn lit.

 

I hope you loved the recent music I am listening to.

Katsumi Moretti 🙂